Let’s talk about menopause with your partner!
Do you talk openly about menopause with your partner?
If the answer's yes, fantastic! You're already ahead of the curve. But if you haven't, don't worry – it's never too late to start. As runners, we're in tune with every subtle shift in our bodies. Yet, when perimenopause and menopause arrive, sometimes it feels like a total ambush – hot flashes, unpredictable moods, shattered sleep, and looming health concerns can leave us overwhelmed.
Remember, we don't have to ride this rollercoaster alone. Sharing our experiences with our partners can be a powerful source of support. Sadly, many couples never truly unpack menopause together. Let's change that!
Why Break the Silence?
💜 Understanding builds a team: Picture menopause as a marathon. Discussing it with your partner brings them onto your team. They'll understand the changes you're facing, paving the way for empathy and collaborative solutions. This can also dispel any lingering myths for both of you.
👎 Misunderstanding scenario:"Before we talked about it, my husband saw my hot flashes as me being constantly overheated. He'd want to open windows or crank up the air conditioning, making me even more uncomfortable."
👍 Informed partner scenario:"Now he understands it's a hormonal change. He offers water, a cool cloth, and asks if there's anything else he can do. That shift in his reaction makes me feel supported and less alone."
💜 Feeling heard is powerful: Menopause can feel isolating. Talking to your partner offers validation and reminds you that someone loves you for who you are, even on your worst days.
👎 Keeping silent scenario:"During the worst of my mood swings, I'd snap at him, then feel guilty and hide in the bathroom to cry because I couldn't control the outbursts."
👍 Feeling validated scenario:"Since talking openly, I'll say 'I'm having a meno-moment, please hang tight.' He gives me space, then once I'm calm, offers a hug. Knowing he understands it's temporary has been liberating."
💜 Love conquers tension: Keeping symptoms under wraps can breed confusion and frustration on both sides. Openness minimizes misunderstandings and strengthens emotional intimacy during this transformative time.
👎 Frustration scenario: "My libido changes were a mystery. One week I'd want intimacy, the next it was the last thing on my mind. He felt rejected, I felt pressured... neither of us knew what was happening."
👍 Communication as a solution scenario:"Reading an article about menopause and sex together explained why it's so unpredictable. Now we focus on non-sexual intimacy, and when desire does kick in, it's even more special."
💜 Map out your future together: Discussing symptom management, sex life changes, and even retirement goals become more natural when you're on the same page about menopause.
💜 Supporting women's health: Partners encouraging medical advice and healthy habits is vital. Starting these chats normalizes the topic and empowers other couples to do the same!
How to Start the Talk (Especially if You've Always Been Quiet)
I get it, taking that first step can be nerve-wracking! Try these openers:
💜 Choose your moment: Pick a relaxed time when you won't be rushed.
💜 Lead with your heart: "I've been struggling..."
💬 "...I think it's because of menopause. Have you noticed any changes in me that might be related?"
💬 "...It would mean the world to me if we could learn about menopause together. Would you be open to that?"
💜 Share knowledge:"I came across this article..."
💬 "...It talked about [specific symptom] – have I seemed [describe symptom] lately? I wonder if that's what I'm facing."
💬 "...There's so much we don't know about menopause. I'd feel better if we both were more informed. Can we read it together?"
💜 Ask for help:
💬 "Lately, I've been feeling [symptoms]. Could we talk about whether this might be menopause, and how we can manage it together?"
What to Expect: A Partner's Guide
It's important to remember that every woman experiences menopause differently. Some glide through with few issues, while others face a roller coaster of symptoms. Here's a quick overview of some common changes you might notice:
😭 Hot flashes and night sweats: Sudden surges of heat, often accompanied by sweating and redness. These can be mild or make her feel like she's on fire.
😭 The sleep struggle: Menopause can cause difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up exhausted, even after a full night's rest.
😭 Mood swings: Hormone fluctuations can cause unpredictable shifts, from irritability to sudden sadness. These swings can be tough on both of you.
😭 Changes below the belt: Vaginal dryness can make sex uncomfortable. She may also experience shifts in her sex drive.
😭 The unexpected: Brain fog, weight gain, joint aches... menopause can deliver some surprising side effects.
If you think you're confused, just imagine how she feels!
The Key Is Patience (and Openness!)
While there may be obvious physical changes, it's equally important to be aware of the emotional impact menopause can have. It can feel like her body and mind are out of her control, which can be frustrating and even lead to feelings of anxiety or sadness.
✏️ Learn More Together
Understanding is everything. Here's a great resource to explore with your partner:
Australasian Menopause Society:https://www.menopause.org.au/
Jean Hailes for Women's Health:https://www.jeanhailes.org.au/
The North American Menopause Society:https://www.menopause.org/
📚 Books:
"The Menopause Manifesto" by Dr. Jen Gunter
"Preparing for the Perimenopause and Menopause" by Dr. Louise Newson
❤️ Research Shows Men Care!
A study from the National Institutes of Health proves that mendonotice and are affected by their partner's menopause journey. Open communication is a gift to you both! (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6791510/)
Emi's Story 🐢
Every relationship is unique. My husband and I started our journey together nearly 25 years ago. We've always sought to understand each other, overcome challenges like cultural and language barriers, and grow together along the way. By the time perimenopause hit with its tough symptoms, there was nothing I felt I needed to hide. I saw menopause as a natural part of my life, not something shameful.
When I was exhausted, down in the dumps, or plain old overwhelmed, I simply asked my husband for help. Sometimes that meant a hug, sometimes a listening ear, sometimes doing some extra chores,and sometimes, even when I didn't know what I needed, he'd just bring me a glass of water and a smile. That meant the world.Communication is a two-way street, and it's one of the most important skills we've developed. As Winnie the Pooh said, 'It's always better with two.'
It gets easier, I promise! Menopause is a long journey; communication makes it smoother.
Let's Share! How have you and your partners navigated this together? Your experiences can help others!
🔸 What's one thing your partner did that made you feel truly understood during menopause?
🔸 Did you read anything together that helped open the conversation about menopause?
🔸 What's one piece of advice you'd give to a couple struggling to start this conversation?
